The last 24 hours have been a different kind of test of patience.
While I’m on vacation and able to be home the last two days it’s coincidentally been the same days that plumbers needed to come in and re-pipe my apartment. That means holes in walls. Moving around my stuff to the point that it looks like I’m moving out. Dust. Invasion of privacy. And some lost sleep.
Apartment life is … getting old.
But the real kicker was that I got home yesterday and ALL i wanted to do was hang out in my apartment…alone…and watch television.
I’ve been a little distracted with Andy’s impending visit (today!!) and have let myself get stressed about the inevitable underlying question of our relationship….when will long distance not be….and who is going to move when….
That stress can creep in and ruin good moments. It can sadly diminish the BEST times when we’re actually together. And it takes a lot of will power to be in the moment. Crazy, I know.
So, anyway. Stress in the back of my mind. I wanted some crap television. That was going to help me focus on my excitement.
I walk in the door and see a weird blinking light on my internet router.
Instagram won’t refresh.
I restart my router.
Restart my modem.
Turn on my television.
Holy. freakin. Crap. What an inconvenient day. Not only is my apartment a wreck I have no entertainment. I felt like I couldn’t even be there—it was the worst.
I’m seething in my lack of apartment luck for the day and begrudgingly grab a bag to instead go work out. (I REALLY wanted to sit on the couch, guys.)
After two miles of serious sweating I decided to take a break and just walk. After all, my cable wouldn’t be on until 9 p.m. what in the world else was I supposed to do.
And it was then that it hit me.
I needed to pray. I needed to spend some time with God before Andy’s visit. All of the stress that I let slowly build up? I haven’t been doing a good job at all about letting off the steam — and sending it up in prayer.
One of the hard aspects when you move is finding a new church and a new spiritual routine. For me, Winston took forever. Boston took a bit. Atlanta, I’ve sadly just been busy! Terrible excuse, I know. And when you neglect one part of your faith — the church routine. It’s really easy to start neglecting the other parts — your nightly prayer. Your devotions. Your practice of offering it up.
I’ve always struggled with not having control. I blame my mom. It must be something she passed down genetically 🙂
But, in my long-distance situation with Andy I could be upset about that every single day if I wanted. Luckily, it doesn’t happen that often — but I find that the longer we’re long distance, perhaps the more often that inevitably I stress out. So it goes.
It was an amazing gift to be focused for thirty minutes yesterday on just lifting up my struggles to God and realizing that not having control is an amazing thing because — you can do so much, but the rest you have to hand up to Him.
Sure one of us could FEASIBLY pack up and move tomorrow–but no we couldn’t. There’s a timing implication to this. There’s a career opportunity aspect. There are families involved. It’s bigger than us even though–we’re at the center holding it together.
Can you imagine what a relief it was to just have peace that in the right time ALL of the pieces are going to come together?
What a relief.
What a sigh of peace that I can just enjoy this week! I don’t have to be calculated and anxious.
The only one who can coordinate all of the complex parts of your life–yup, that’s Him.
One of the best parts of Andy’s and I relationship is that we’re both committed to knowing that ONE DAY we’re going to be in the same place. The timing and the exact location are written somewhere I haven’t seen yet. But I can rest in faith that God has a plan and I don’t have to stress at all.
Sometimes, God has to cut you off. He has to demand your attention. And if you’re not careful you may miss the opportunity that God is giving you to have some relief. I almost didn’t see what now appears to be such a clear opportunity.
Needless to say that since then I have felt amazing and renewed.
You need moments like that every so often to remind yourself that you’ve been a bit of fool.
I need to stop doing it all on my own and then … not doing it quite so awesome.
Spend some time in prayer.
Trust in all areas. And you’ll start to see all areas flourish.
My cable and wifi are finally back on but today instead of television, I felt compelled to sit in more quiet with my coffee this morning. What a gift to have time for reflection and rest as I gear up for the fun that is about to start.
10 hours until Andy touches down in the A!