One of my favorite parts of being a reporter carrying around a television camera is that some people are very inclined to talk to you. It’s not necessarily that they want to be on TV. I think maybe they just see me and recognize that I’m going to appreciate hearing their story. Last weekend I was covering a community event and an elderly gentleman walked up to me.
“Guess what,” he said.
I wasn’t sure if he was talking to me, so I kind of stared for a second.
He repeated himself, “Guess what.”
“What’s that?” I obliged while smiling and thinking he looked like he was probably in his upper-80s––no telling what he was maybe going to tell me.
He lit up in a smile and said “June 13th. June 13th will be mine and my wife’s 60th wedding anniversary.”
How do you not smile back to that? I immediately offered my congratulations. And a couple of “wow”s. And I perhaps unwittingly said “You two are so lucky!”
“Lucky?” he said. “Oh no, we’ve been a lot of work.”
I had to ask the question you’re crazy to not ask:
“So, what’s your secret?”
Charlie gave me three bits of advice:
1) It’s all about the communication. You have to be able to talk to each other all the time about every thing. Even when you don’t want to. You should always want to.
2) None of those, she goes with the girls all the time, he goes with the boys all the time. Take a trip together every year. You need adventures together.
3) Spirituality is important. Your hearts need to be on the same page.
Sixty years of experience. And I cherished every bit he had to share.
His advice harkened to this study recently posted on The Atlantic called “Masters of Love.” It’s a fascinating study highlighting how kindness, in the ways you don’t think about, is very important for a relationship’s success.
“There are two ways to think about kindness. You can think about it as a fixed trait: either you have it or you don’t. Or you could think of kindness as a muscle. In some people, that muscle is naturally stronger than in others, but it can grow stronger in everyone with exercise. Masters tend to think about kindness as a muscle. They know that they have to exercise it to keep it in shape. They know, in other words, that a good relationship requires sustained hard work.”
The kindness “Masters of Love” talks about and the kind of communication Charlie talks about, they’re both forms of work you put into a relationship. They’re the parts of a relationship that come easy in the first three months. And the parts of a relationship that become the choice to love someone later on.
It’s not always easy.
And it’s not luck.
And it’s what separates the 60-year relationships from the rest.
That’s what makes love so special.
On this Monday, cherish love a bit. What happier a way to start the week? Especially if you’re somewhere in the earlier days of your own 60 years.
Do you have any “relationship rules” with your significant other?
PS: Happy Belated Anniversary Charlie!
actually on the line 
Charlie knows what he is talking about… those three tips are for pure truth. I love the quote about kindness being like a muscle….. so far in my married experience (even though its just shy of three months), I can say communication is key, don’t argue over petty things, and make that other person your #1 priority EVERY single day and make that known. We start our day with the idea that we are doing things and taking action to always try to lead a better life for the other…. choosing to be with someone for the rest of your life is a selfless act- you are putting that person before yourself, and needs…. kind of like having children. But it is the most rewarding, fulfilling relationship you’ll ever find. As long as you keep each other in the center of each other’s lives, it all works out beautifully.
There is a new level of trust and need to serve each other after the ‘I do’. It is really an unspoken bond that just forms.
Charlie was SO right about going on adventures! Exploring and discovering new places/experiences together is so fun!
I’ll stop rambling b/c clearly Im a mushy-ball and I just love this post and that you have the type of personality to talk to a man that just needed to gush his good news out !